Well, in case you have been living for ages under that mouldy stone set in the flower pot at my doorstep, the news have been broadcasting reports on the recent increase in Singapore.
I don't wanna go blind!
Oh, that's such a motherhood statement because who in the right mind want to go blind?
UNLESS I'm the last woman on earth and David Hasselhoff (that oldish Baywatch fella) is the last man on earth... and I'm desperate to get screwed.What's wrong with Mr Hasselhoff, you say? Well, I do not dig men with a head of tight curls, hence I also do not find Mr Phua Chu Kang sexy, although Rosie might disagree violently.
And there is just something off about those god-awful red surf shorts he wears in Baywatch.
I DON'T WANNA GO BLIND!
I have not seen a Thai Girl show! I have not seen Kumar live in action! I have not seen how Gladys The Bitch fuck up further in life. I have not seen enough of Josh's bare bum and swingin' pendulum! I have not seen my parents make love!
Well, before I get slapped by daddy for being an inquisitive, disrespectful girl, I must clarify that I am not a pervert who gets my kicks from watching my parents make-out, though it will be fun to bump into them accidently. That would, firstly, prove that old folks still do the horizontal mambo; and secondly, explain why I’m such a lustful person (thanks to the genes).
I am merely keen to know if old folks, in general, screw. It is all in the surveys that a couple's sexual frequency go down the drains after marriage, and sexual frequency decreases with age. I don't know about you, but whenever I see old couples, I would always wonder if they still screw.
Amongst those thoughts includes:
(a) Do old ladies wear G-strings
(b) Do older people go oral on each other, especially since mom scrunched up her pretty little nose in disgust whenever she hears the words 'oral sex'
(c) Do older people french kiss
I know those are awfully rude and dirty thoughts. Joshie always scream and cover his ears when I try to tell/ask him erotic stuff involving old folks. But his violent objections only serve to add fuel to my curiosity about old folks' sexual exploits.
Now, we all know that middle-aged and old wrinkled men still screw a lot, judging by the crowd along Geylang's notorious stretches. But there are much lesser reports on whether older women have a life under the sheets. Why is that so? Is it really age? Or are women of previous generations more reserved? I want to know because one day, I will be an old woman too. I need to know when my vagina will officially be made the home of spiders.
Though my parents and Joshua's parents are seldom intimate (intimate between themselves, NOT my parents WITH Joshua's parents!!!), I pray that may not be the norm.
You see, I am most intrigued by the parents of a particular ex-boyfriend. They are VERY lusty. Every time I am at his house, his parents will be screwing. Sometimes, they don't even bother to hide the fact that they are banging the living daylights out of each other. They would leave their bedroom door ajar, and I could hear everything! So kinky. Maybe they are into exhibitionism.
I have proof that they are indeed screwing and not trying to move some heavy furniture which left them both panting and moaning. Once, I had to go into their bedroom to get the thread-and-needle basket and GASP! I saw tubessss of TopGel by their bed! Ohh... they give me renewed hope of having lustful golden years!!!
Seriously though, I believe that (loads of) sex is the key to a blissful relationship. The couple will have lesser time and energy to bicker if they are constantly going at it like horny rabbits. Hence, there will be lesser divorces, lesser men/women going astray and having affairs, etc. The world will be a happier place!
So remember, when your partner starts looking gloomy and a quarrel is impending, grab him/her by the shoulders, fling him/her to the ground (even if you are in the midst of shopping) and do the dirty deed.
You'll never go wrong if you listen to me. Really.
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