What Is Happening To Our Future SIA Girls???

I accompanied a pal to an SIA Cabin Crew recruitment exercise on early Sunday morning. It was freakin' early, ok! I actually had to wake up at 7.30am to make it to Meritus Mandarin Hotel by 9.00 am where the recruitment exercise was held! That meant only two freakin hours of sleep since my bedtime is around 5.00 am!

I would have dozed off while waiting for my pal to get through the qualifying rounds... BUT the sight of those girls filing into the ballroom with hopes of becoming the future SIA Girl kept me wide awake.

I can't believe my eyes! So I have heard from friends that the attractiveness of SIA Girls had dipped dangerously over the past few years. While they have once made people turn and take a second look of appreciation, now most SIA Girls make people turn for a second look to make sure they are not some ordinary folks who are wearing an imitation kebaya from the wet market. I found that hard to believe until this morning.

If these girls get through and are recruited, then I suppose the image of a sweet-faced SIA Girl (see picture on left) is going down the pits forever.

Alright, to be fair, there are a handful, I repeat, a handful of charming looking babes with a shapely body to match. But the rest are... pure misery to behold.

And they all seem to be clones of each other!

Where are the truly beautiful?? Oh, where art thou hiding?

I hereby bring your attention to these groups of clones:

The Sticks

The Sticks all have long rebonded-straight hair with an extreme side parting, allowing their fringe to hide part of their face. They all have very fair skin and the only visible make-up seem to be their pink blusher and drawn eyes. And they are all stick-thin. No ass, no breasts.

The kebaya hangs most beautifully on a curvy, womanly body, doesn't it? But on these flat pubescent bodies the kebaya has nothing to hug!

Yes, yes, of course I know there is a difference between slim and skinny. The Sticks are skinny, not slim. Slim is when you still have curves without the bulges. Skinny is when you have, erm... nothing but skin on your bones.

Oh, and another prominent feature about The Sticks - their unsmiling, I-am-the-Omni-power-don't-mess-with-me look. You think that 5 year-old air passenger is gonna feel safe asking for another Coke? Nah, I don't think so.

The Slouches

All the best clothes are wasted on a woman who slouches. These Slouches walks with an unwomanly gait and a hunched back. I hope SIA teaches all their recruits how to walk pretty.

Look, I don't have anything against women who hunches over like the Hunchback of Notre dame. But if these women plan to start a career as a Cabin Crew with one of the world's top airlines, shouldn't they learn to hold themselves well? Sheesh.

The Thieves of Granny's Closet

This is definitely not a case of injecting some retro into modern fashion. These girls look like they could not find anything to wear to the interview and raided their gandmama's closet for clothes.

One wore a long red dress in a clingy fabric, circa 1980s. So clingy was it that the outline of her huge granny panties - not different from those worn by Bridget Jones - was glaringly visible! And she teamed her ancient looking dress with white slippers! White slippers. Can you imagine that? Don't. You will risk killing your fashion brain-cells. I've already lost a few hundreds after observing her this morning.

Another came in a black knee-length dress which looks very suspiciously like it was velvet. Velvet in the day time?! And that dress had... GASPS... gold flowers sewn onto it! Shanghai Nite, anyone?

If they get recruited, I hope SIA will make them wear the kebaya even on their off-days.

The Beach Babes

I bet these girls had actually gone to Sentosa, then found out that SIA is holding a recruitment exercise on the same day, and had sped down to Meritus Mandarin. How else can you explain why did they come in singlets/T-Shirts, mini demin skirts, flip-flops and a canvas sling-over bag? It is an interview, for God's sake.


And then there is also the singular Butt-crack Exhibitor worth mentioning. She stood out alone with her extremely low-hung jeans. I could see her butt-crack with her just standing, not squatting, not sitting, not bending over.

As the morning stretched on, more of these girls emerged from the holding room, chattering happily among themselves that they have got through. Huh? Has SIA changed their qualifying standards? Or perhaps SIA has little choice due to the increasing invasion of the Un-Pretties.

Ahh, I did not forget about the men. Most are weird but at least there were no attacks of the clones. I saw a few balding men, a few plain-looking middle-aged men, two fatty bom-boms, one who wore a shapeless cotton sweater with faded black jeans, and a whole lots of nerdy boys.

Only two stood out with their immaculately styled hair, crisp button shirts stretched taut over their mascular chest and nice clean leather shoes.

I bet some petty readers might take offense at my unkind remarks about those aspiring air stewardesses, and might even think that I have no right to criticise them unless I'm more beautiful than them.

Let's see... David Gan does celebrities' hair for a living, but he has no hair himself. I don't need to be a great beauty to bitch the shit out of these hopeless hopefuls. I just need a brain, my fingers and a computer.

So there!