But then again, how often is Karrot's krap ever brainy, educational or thought-provoking? Perhaps more often, loins-provoking.
ANY-O-WAY....
I had this conversation with Sandee during our ciggie break -
Sandee: Hatta is moving over to Switzerland to study tourism and hospitality.
Me: Ah, nice. You know, when I was younger, I would always get mixed up with Swedes and Swiss. But now I know that Swiss are people of Switzerland, and Swedes are from Sweden.
Sandee: Yeah. Iceland is the one that fumbles me. What are their people called? Icelanders?
Me: Hmm... Nope. Popsicles.
Then now, I wanna bitch about how I am shamelessly shortchanged and treated with complete disregard in office...
My office inbox is loaded with spam mails each morning, mostly BORING e-flyers on the cheapest Viagra in town. Junnie however gets the highly coveted spam mails that depict the execution of blowjobs and massive cocks. And bloody hell, what does she do with 'em? She deletes 'em all!
How can my email server treat me like that? There should be equality!
I'm sick of shoddily prepared e-flyers that sell Viagra. It is all text! Whoever who did those e-flyers - have they not heard that a picture says a thousand words? Slap on an erotic image of a rock-hard penis lifting a stack of cement blocks, and I'm sure the cash register will keep ringing till the cows come home!
Shit. All these talk about monster dicks is getting me hot. And with day being so dark, dreary and wet, I have been craving for carnal pleasures all day. The sex-inducing weather is not the only catalyst. My monthly bleeds have just ended, and it is during this phase that I go quite rabid.
Hmmm... actually, that explanation is not entirely correct. Let me map out what happens to me - from a biological point of view - in an average month:
1st to 5th day: Dang Monthly Bleeds. Being perpetually wet really drives me nutty. I could possibly rape Wendy's banana that is lying so innocently in the pantry.
6th day: After staving off sex for five days so as not to get blood all over the bedsheets, carpet, sofa, dining table and washing machine, I feel an urgent need to catch up on what I have been missing.
7th to 14th day: Med experts call this the Follicular Phase. I call it the I-Need-My-Alpha-Male Phase. As one of my ovum is maturing and preparing itself for fertilization, my natural instincts make me exceptionally attentive to healthy, attractive and intelligent men whose wild seeds could help create the next generation of Prima Donnas and Alpha Males. Heh.
15th to 31st day: Med experts call this the Ovulation phase. I call this the Soaking G-string Phase. This is also the phase in which Joshie darling wears his sleeping shorts with a belt to bed because I'm just too much for him to bear. Most girls experience PMS now in the form of cantakerous moods, insane cotton candy cravings, itchy nipps, and water rentention that turns them into Michelin Man. I just get uber lusty and hyper.
Then the cycle repeats itself.
So you see, I hardly get a moment's rest from the Aphrodite in me. My mom must have had an oyster and champagne diet while conceiving me. Dang.
To seek more answers to my Energizer-driven lust, I turned to the stars. And the stars said, "Arians often have a high sex drive that leads them in experimental directions."
Holly shit. The stars really do know their stuff!
Moving on to a NON-SEXUAL subject now... I want to holler about this new magazine:
It's a shamelessly sinful shopping guide. There's minimal distracting ads... perhaps cos it is still too young to secure big name advertisers. But it is a good thing. Shopaholics like me can just get straight to the point and circle out that fab dress, CFM (Come Fuck Me, if you don't already know what it means, dahhhlings) heels, to-die-for bag, and pretty make-up colours of the current season.
Oh boy, oh boy! I can't wait to go shopping!!!
1 blistering yaks:
Hatta? Raini's son?
Isn't he in Amara Bangkok?
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