Funny People

I have not been a reporter for too long, but I have already met enough people so far to determine that there are three schools of publicity people. When I say publicity people, I refer to the public relations people, the marketing communications people, the official spokesperson and whoever else who responds to media queries.

The School of Three Monkeys
"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" could possibly their motto. They ignore media queries sent to them via e-mail. If they pick up your call, they say they will get back to you soon but never ever do. You will need medical attention after attempting to wrestle even the tinest bit of information from them.

The School of Hypers
They latch on you like excited pre-schoolers and bombard you with loads of information that you don't need. They will attempt to make the smallest thing sound incredibly fascinating and ask you endlessly if you are going to write about it. No, I don't wanna write about your sponsorship stint because it has no impact on the business of my readers. Often, this school of publicity people are also those who say a lot of things that really don't mean a thing. Their eagerness and enthusiasm seem to hypnotise you and you just cannot tear yourself away from a conversation that is going nowhere. Going to them for a quote to use in your article can make you cry.

The School of Still Waters
These are the people who look like they know only how to do business and are not media savvy, but surprise you with their extensive knowledge on any issues you throw at them. As the saying goes, still water runs deep. They make me feel ashamed for thinking that they are just old-fashioned single-minded businessmen who have nary a care for the world beyond their industry. I feel so puny after talking to them.


And beyond the schools, I have also enjoyed a few amusing encounters. Here are some:

A marketing comms manager from the trade wrote me an email early this week, asking me if I could send down my team to help her do a free photoshoot and makeover so that we can have her latest photo on our files for our future usage. I thought she was joking and ignored her request. Later that day, she wrote to me in response to a query I had sent and again, asked: "Kindly urgently arrange for the photoshoot and makeover. I really need an extreme makeover!"

Geez... she is serious! Why in the world would she think that my company does makeovers and photoshoots?!


Then there are those operators who sound like they wanna murder me for calling, then sweeten up considerably the moment I say that I am a reporter. Just moments ago, I called up a well-known tour company asking to speak to a PR officer. Here's the conversation that ensued:

Operator: "PR? What PR? We got no such department!
Me: Public relations? Or do you call yours public affairs?
Operator: No no, don't have.
Me:How about a marketing department?
Operator (impatiently now): Do you know what number you called? This place is XXX, you know?
Me: Of course I know I've called XXX.
Operator: Yeah, so is it you want to buy tours? Or tickets?
Me: No, I am a reporter and I want to speak to a mangerial personnel for a news article.
Operator: Oh, yes m'am. I see. Would you like to talk to our assistant manager, Ms XXX? Please allow me to put you though.

What a complete turnaround of attitude.

On another occasion, I called a tour agency looking for the manager I normally speak to. A lady answered and said the manager was busy and she could take my queries instead. She answered my queries in singular replies of "yes", "no", "maybe" and when she felt generous, she offered me an "ok lor". For example, when I asked her if her company was getting more Japanese inbound tourists, she said, "OK lor."

So helpful. But the biggest joke was, halfway through the awkward queries, she interrupted: "Aiyoh, how long are you going to take? Is this a survey?" I explained that I was a reporter from XXX and I am not conducting a survey. Then she moaned, "So what are you trying to sell?"

These buggers really put a smile on my face and make my day less hard to bear.