Hanoi - The Hidden Charm

Dear Hanoi,

So often have I encountered friends who sang endless praises about your rustic beauty.

Although I failed to see this much-acclaimed beauty in you during my first trip back in May, I thought perhaps this time I would. Afterall, I would be in your territory for an international trade show that would draw hundreds of international delegates. This was your chance to showcase your modern infrastructure and historical architecture and tell the tourism world that you are indeed ready for bigger things to come. No country would be stupid enough to let such a chance slip by, right?

So kudos to your people for choosing an ancient exhibition hall on Giang Vo Street for the trade show venue. It must have been built back in the 70s, eh? And I bet the architect must have been inspired by the cold metallic styles of warehouses or container ports.

And oh, look at this quaint little Christmas tree!



I'm sure it is created by some great art genius who uses his creations to pass on all-important messages to the world. Alas, his design concept eludes me since I am more of a logical left-brainer.

I also discovered another gem in the exhibition hall - the toilets.

The team who designed the exhibition hall must have tried to put themselves in the shoes of centre visitors when they designed the toilets. In addition to three cubicles, there was also a narrow drain by the wall for anyone who is desperately urgent to squat and pee right there and then.

Ooh, and I must say your people are a real kinky lot. Forgive me for even thinking that communist socialist states are populated by a bunch of boring, square-minded people.

By the way, what is the difference between communism and socialism? It seems one and the same to me.

But no, I am not here to discuss political terms. All I wanna do is to talk about you, Hanoi.

So yes, we were on the topic of why your people are kinky. You see, the cubicles in the toilet came with doors that have a large piece of frosted glass in the middle, allowing anyone outside to peer through and see the user inside.

So if anyone was grimacing from a bad case of constipation, I would sure as hell know.

And the toilet serves more than just people who needs to pee and move their bowels. I discovered women doing their laundry and washing their veggie in the toilet.

Now that is effective use of space!

I must also applaud your multi-talented people. Take for instance this man:



He's an electrician by day and Cirque du Soleil artist by night.

I must also say that Hanoi is such a value-for-money destination. Foreigners pay one price to see two different worlds.

One world within the luxurious hotel, where furniture is comfy and clean, toilets smell most delightful, people speak and understand English, trash lies in bins and every sight that meets the eye is just lovely.



And another world beyond the hotel, where roads are dusty, lanes are unmarked so cars and motocycles whiz by in all directions and towards you, stall keepers who quote prices in USD and Viet Dong rates that fly off the official currency charts (a tin of fried lotus seeds for US$7 or VND$220,000, when it should only be only VND$120,000), and people do everything strictly by the rules.

For instance, when the bus is supposed to pick delegates from their hotel at 8.15am, the driver will arrive on the dot and drive off within the minute. Nothing would make the driver stop. Not even a crowd of 10 angry delegates who had arrived a few seconds too late and were running after the bus.



I also applaud your people for lending assistance to uncontemporary needy lots. I know delinquents are a social problem, but it never crossed my mind that they would require financial help too. I bet part of the donations collected here would be used to purchase belts and canes for whipping those kids into obedience.



I have seen more than enough over these five days to realise that you are a special destination.

I promise you, Hanoi, that I would sure as hell recommend other Singaporeans to visit you. Not only because you are such an amazing destination, but also because Singaporeans would find comfort in some familiar sights, such as the Merlion...



And the poster than teaches proper toilet etiquette...



As for me, I will be superduper busy for the next millennium so please pardon me for not visiting.

Love,
Karrot