Flight From Hell

I spent four hours and 55 minutes in the air with two restless, screaming kids in front, their whiny grandma, who was shit at maintaining control, next to me, and a gaggle of Chinarian chatterboxes all around.

For my entire flight to Chengdu, the two kids would jump on their seat, rock the backrest and throw their blanket and bolster at their grandma, while hollering at the top of their voice for water, crackers and I don't know what else.

Their mother, seated next to them, would grunt ocassionally at them to shut up. Their father, seated on my row next to the window, plugged in his iPhone and bobbed his head to really loud music, completely oblivious to the terror his kids were unleashing on me. I've never seen a father this useless.

Their grandma was the only one who bothered to make an effort to keep the kids in check. Unfortunately, she was one of those aunties who would scold in a drawn-out, high-pitched whine: "Aiyoooooo, why you all like daaaaaaaat? Sit Doooooooooown! Stop smacking meeeeeeeee (with the bolster)!"

I seriously don't know which is worse... the screaming kids or the whiny grandma.

Sleeping was impossible cos she would suddenly scream at the kids, and I would leap awake.

As if the commotion immediately around me was not enough to jazz up my flight, which has no in-flight entertainment, the elderly Chinarians around me would attempt to chat with each other by shouting across rows of seats.

Those seated behind me have ants in their pants and would continuously stand up and sit down, and would pull my backrest for support whenever they did that.

So I could not sleep, could not lean back, and could not have even five minutes of silence.

It was nothing short of a miracle that I did not end up murdering anyone on board.